When I started this blog last year, I had the idea that I would write weekly or bimonthly about my efforts to find a steady, regular-wage-paying job, find a literary agent, sell jewelry, my experiences in creative writing programs and as an art vendor in the past, and other things in my life.
I'm still optimistic that I will one day find representation and a publisher, which would finally give me a job and financial security doing something I love. Also, I would finally become completely independent for the first time in my life, free of the financial support of my parents. Or I'd successfully apply for, interview for, be approved for and work at a steady job doing something else I enjoy and, between working hours, continue to write and query agents in the hopes that I will, one day, write the novel that will become my debut in the world of professional writers.
When I stared this blog, I thought I'd blog about my successes and failures as they came along. I wanted to do this for a few reasons. In no particular order, one: Blogging about it would be therapeutic for me, and it would help me to think and develop new ideas when old ideas failed. Two: With any luck, someone would find it interesting, they might write comments about it, and we could start discussions. Three: Writing publicly would be good practice for me; opening up my writing to criticism is definitely an instrumental step in developing my writing into something better. Four: And one day, when or if I accomplish my dreams, I could look back and say I wrote step-by-step how it happened as it happened. I'm a dreamer; I believe my writing is improving every day and will continue to improve, and I believe I will one day accomplish my goals. if I wasn't a dreamer, I wouldn't have the nerve to query agents at all.
I haven't written much in my blog because I often lose my nerve before I post a new blog about a topic I find interesting. I often worry that I have nothing to say that would interest other people. I'm young, and I have little-to-no experience doing what I'm trying to do professionally. I'm trying to gain that experience, but I make more missteps than not, and it's embarrassing to write about them.
I need to stop worrying. I need to write, and keep on writing, and keep on writing after that. Even in the face of negative feedback. Even with all my doubts and fears. I need to stop worrying that what I'm writing isn't interesting or intriguing. As soon as I start thinking that, my sentiments influence my writing, which *becomes* uninteresting and intriguing. I need to keep trying until I see progress.
Of course, it's easy to write the previous paragraph, and it's a whole lot harder to actually carry it out.
It occurs to me as I write this that Nah Ruhz, my religion's New Years, was last week. Maybe I could think of the second-to-last paragraph as a New Year's Resolution. I know I'm going to publish this blog post immediately before I lose my nerve and don't, and that I will probably look back at this post later and cringe over all the unoriginal statements in it. Oh, well. I'll try harder next time.
Comments
Post a Comment